Friday, May 21, 2010

What I Hate at the Moment

And here it is again. I moan about my ex, but I don't know how to get past everything. I feel like so much went unsaid that I just can't let go. I wanted him to know that I almost broke up with him because of him cheating, but I still thought he cared about me. But for that whole last month, I spent my time wondering what I had done to deserve it. How did I deserve it? How did it happen? Did he really still care about me? I don't know, I got lost in everything he said. And most of the time, I felt like I was talking him down and I hated it, but whatever. That's what you do when you care about someone. But he never asked how I was doing, never even bothered. And he only seemed to care half-heartedly when I had a breakdown.
But everything went downhill when we broke up. And getting back up is hard. Because I'm scared I'll go back down again.
He and I don't talk anymore. I don't even know if he's doing okay and I'm scared of that. I hate worrying, but I do and it sucks the fun out of everything. So I do the calling. And I stop worrying. And then something sets me off again. And I just hate a lot of things right now.

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