Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I miss holding a hand that held mine.
I miss the whispered, "I missed you."
I miss the airtight hugs when we say goodbye.
I miss kissing.
I miss having a boy like me enough to risk my flaws and go for it.
And I really miss that I used to be missed.
I really do......
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
I would like to say I made it at least until the car... But that would be a lie. I didn't even make it through fourth quarter. I didn't stop when I was marching home or when I tripped on the curb and crashed to the ground, snare drum clattering away. I didn't stop when I changed. And it only got worse in the car.
I have never had to pull over or cry like I did. All because of the boy in Chicago.
But he's not allowed to know...
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
There's a girl who I have only heard bad things about. She keeps telling one girl that no one wants her in their homecoming group and that she's being uninvited. The same girl she harrassed has a sunburn on her left cheek. Today, after a band show, she walks up to the girl and says, "Hey _____, you've got something on your face." BAM. She smacks her across the burned side of her face. HARD. And laughs.
The girl she smacked grabbed her cheek and gasped. Her eyes were tearing up.
Not done yet, the evil girl turns to a boy sitting nearby and says, "Hey, hit her left cheek."
At which point, I turned towards her and said, "Hey, don't be a-" BITCH. "Never mind."
I could tell she could hear it coming. But I stopped myself. Because I love and respect her parents and her sisters. And I looked at her and she looks like her sister, who I love.
What I should have said:
"Have some human decency. I have heard nothing good about you this year and you're living up to that image. And it's not flattering. You need to make a good impression when you're new in this school. I'm not impressed with how you act and you should really try to be decent. That's really all I ask."
But I didn't. I turned on my heel and left. I shouldn't have left.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Which would you rather:
- Have someone you love die.
- Have the same someone alive, but they don't know who you are and you can see their mind slipping.
Because I've dealt with both in the past month.
And I prefer the first.
Then I can pretend she knew me until the end.
And then I don't have to smile like it's okay when I can feel my body swell with the tears I hold behind my eyes.
I know I'm a bad person.