Monday, June 28, 2010


I hate that Adrian put me in a box category for heartbroken, weepy girls. I hate even more that I seem to fit in that group. I hate that he's still a good person, but I should be able to curse his name at the heavens.
I hate that I still feel fluttery whgen he and I talk, although I wouldn't date him again. I hate that I'm terribly sad when he mentions other girls. I hate that I'm still a mess.
But I knew we weren't right. I knew we wouldn't end up together. But I absolutely refused to end it. I couldn't do it. His cheating was a big, glowing, neon sign that it was time, but I still didn't. It was only when I felt like he was saying that I wasn't good enough that I ended it, in tears.
I missed him. But I survived, didn't I? Don't we all want happiness, don't we all deserve it?
Adrian... He was my first kiss, date, boyfriend, long distance, cheater, and heartbreak. We both had our own issues that we didn't want to share. And I don't think I would undo anything I did. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I'm a stupid girl, but I refuse to stop believing in fairytales. I want to find mine.


  1. oh dear kalbell. you are not naive. you are beautiful and amazing. your heart is open and ready to love, just like a woman's should be. don't ever feel stupid for trusting someone. trust is a beautiful thing and you should never give up on it. you are Susan right now. you got hurt, but you are going to cry it out, get up, brush yourself off, and find love again. don't ever stop believing in love or fairytales. they are truer than anything else. i love you.

  2. Thanks Shelboopy. I'll send you a letter once I get a life and have something worth writing. :)
    Love you.