Friday, June 11, 2010

Paper on the Wall

Do you ever feel lost? I know I do. My sister is going to college in the fall and I'm terrified. Probably as scared as she is. She's part of who I am, she helps define me, bring the fun in me out. What will I be without her here? She is my shield from the outside world. She's the person who went to eat chinese with me and we'd moan about our lives over crab rangoons and fried rice.
I don't know how to have fun by myself. I realized this when I was at Show Choir Camp this past week. When my dance partner and I got something right, he put his fist out. You know what I did? I stared. And stared. What am I supposed to do? I don't..... Oh. Fist bump.
Am I really that clueless? It's a fist bump! I was staring at his curled fingers like it was a different language. I don't understand.
Today I got my grade card: A+, A, A, A-, and then, like an ugly purple bruise: B
See, I had fun looking at those grades until I got to the B. There went my day. After all 19 bonus points I earned and all that work, a B scarred me. My intelligence is my strength. I can't do sports, I can't act, I'm not funny in the right way, and we all know that I'm not meant to be a star in music. But my grades and tutoring kids and writing and reading books? That's what I'm good at. I understand that.
Because I don't understand everything else.
Basically, the world's turning too fast for me to slow down.

I can't comprehend
Why I come to mind last
I want to slow down
Life's going too fast


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